Who knew my mediocrely adventurous adventures in the bedroom in my early 20s would stand me in good stead when I lay in the docs office today, butt-cheeks akimbo?
I am glad I am not as innocent as I look because when the doc got the back passage version of a speculum out, woah – it was enough to make the most seasoned bum bandit clench up. How naive am I thinking, doc would make just gently lift a butt cheek, possibly holding a torch and say ‘hmmmm, looks okay you ain’t gonna die’? Oh no. I got the pooper pap smear. If you have not had any sorta such of anything near that area I feel bad for you because if, God forbid, you ever get haemorrhoids you are in for one nasty shock.
Next was the manual grope. I couldn’t see what the doc was doing; besides the fact I can’t see my own ass, I had my eyes shut tightly and even if I didn’t I am sure the heat from my blush would have fogged up my eyeballs. But from my point of view, as it were, it was if she was cleaning out a particularly stubborn champagne flute.
I left there being told I am not going to die, walking a bit funny and for the maybe third time in my life, knowing I am not going to poop straight for a week.
So. If your grown-up cuddle partner ever suggests a bit of back door action, why not? Better to get the shock out of the way in a hopefully gentle and loving environment, rather than with a 1000watt lightglobe, cold lube, rubber gloves, a perfect stranger and a $60 bill.
I guess the same also applies to us guys in preparation for Prostate exams later in life as well… sounds like as good an excuse as any *grins*
Lol, that was def a dirty grin Clint!
Grumpy
This post made me giggle! Especially the last line about the bill! At least you can see the funny side of it and entertain us all out here! Hope you and your dignity have recovered somewhat and you’re not walking like a cowboy….
xxx Dr B
That is a cowgirl thank you very much
Oh there was a funny side – I was laughing DURING it. It was that or cry, lol! Grumpy
Bahahahaha! Thanks for the insight into your very personal, personal life. I can’t believe we aren’t better friends in real life considering our similarity in letting it all hang out. Pun intended?
Well Beef, the last time I really saw you in real life I was a shy nerd. Things have changed, obviously
Perhaps we should rectify the situation? Grumpy
Ahahahaha! Best line I’ve heard in a while: “it was if she was cleaning out a particularly stubborn champagne flute.”
Oh how I can relate. When I got appendicitis aged 20 I was quite chuffed to be being attended to by the cutest young doc I’d ever seen (and I have a bit of a doc fetish). I wasn’t so chuffed when he did a back door exam… Not sure why he needed to- I didn’t know you could reach the appendix via the arse..??
Hmmm, maybe you CAN’T and HE had some sort of fetish also…..eeeeew! Grumpy
I just can’t believe you compared your ass to a champagne flute.
What is there not to believe Josh?
Grumpy
That’s…. wow.
Too much? lol! Grumpy
It’s official. Nothing is sacred. But I love it.
Like you didn’t know it already Mr H
Grumpy
That’s the part that disturbs me. The lack of sacred-ness has become the norm for me.
Here I sit, typing, wiping away tears, but the joker grin isn’t going anywhere.
Thanks again. 
Oh dear. So now I know what type of post I have to write to bring you out of the woodwork again, lol! Grumpy
I am surprised not to read some comment from the Nursey Chick on this entry, I can see some of them now, eg: suck it up princess, or to much information. It will interesting to see what she comes up with. All I can say uweeeee.
I think there is no comment cos she hasn’t read it – yet
I will be patient 
Grumpy
Oh, this is seriously funny. I am, of course, sorry about the pain you are in but hey, at least it makes me laugh, right?
I have never had hemorrhoids but dealt with something like this once. I had the most horrible pain and a burning sensation. My doctor did the examination and turns out it was a fissure. A what? Doctor explains. In essence, I had a crack on my crack. Disturbing.
Ha! A crack on your crack, lol!