You know what makes me grumpy? Haemorrhoids.
And there you have it, the tone for this post. You have been warned.
I thought that haemorrhoids were for old or pregnant people. Turns out I was wrong. Although I should have known I was a prime candidate, having signs of future varicose veins on my calves. It is just the same thing for your pooper. Awesome.
When I first noticed something was awry I wasn’t sure what it was. If I had been recently involved in a gut -busting (or is that butt-gusting?) log I mighta cottoned on straight away. Wasn’t painful. Just felt like I had a weird sort of a wedgie. So out comes the trusty hand mirror (Lord, there is an image right there no-one on this planet needs) But it turns out I need glasses…or a torch to go with the mirror.
The whole point of me bringing up this delightful, yet common predicament is to let you know about the acute and searing embarrassment I felt at discovering this newly acquired situation. Me? Haemorrhoids? Oh the shame! But, seriously – what a ridiculous reaction – it is not as if I can help whether the veins inside my bott bott want to be innies or outties, is it?
When I told Beloved he found it highly amusing, especially the bit where I blushed. In between guffaws and off-colour references he told me I better go to the doctor to get it checked out. I NEVER go to the doctor but this is one of those times that putting something off can really make it worse. Sigh. Though I suppose she will be too busy looking at my ass to see me blushing.
I’m sorry but I can’t stop laughing. I’ll never look at your ass the same way again Bee.
Lol, well I hope you don’t look at my ass regardless,
Grumpy
You crack me up
ahh classic. Your poor bott bott. I hope the err situation improves soon
I dunno. I feel like it is already a bit better. But I just might be ‘used’ to it. Just like how it takes you a while to get used to wearing your engagement ring. Or something. Hmmmm. Grumpy
This is one of those ‘I shouldn’t laugh, but…’ moments isn’t it?
Don’t forget to use the cream!
Oh no, laugh away. Better than the alternatives. And if i didn’t want you to laugh I wouldn’t write about it…..as long as it isn’t a ‘Nelson’ type laugh
Grumpy
Wait til you have one that bursts …… I thought I was loosing my bubba when that happened while pregnant! Thankfully I was already in hospital anyway and the nurses reassurded me I just had a very bad case of hemmaroids. Ah the joys of pregnacy, if it dosen’t bleed when you do no 2’s and dosen’t hurt while walking around you should be ok…..
Wow – awesome. Thanks for all that lovely detail, lol!
Grumpy
Not fun at all, but nothing to be ashamed of – shit happens!
then it hurts! ha! Sorry couldn’t help it!
Lol! I tell ya, going to the doc to get it all checked out was the worst bit out of all of it
Grumpy
Oh yeah, also meant to say I love the new look – had to do a double take to make sure I was at the right place – nice revamp!
Why thank you
I am enjoying the new look myself. Now if only it was as easy to revamp my bum. Grumpy
Ha-ha!
Just kidding. 
Great post. Horrible inspiration.
Hope you and your bott bott are feeling better.
My bum is doing great, thanks for assking
Grumpy
I had a boil on my tailbone in college which caused tremendous pain. Unfortunately, the hospital wouldn’t take my parents’ insurance so rather than go to the student center and have med student my age look at my ass, I lanced the damn thing myself and suffered in silence.
Isn’t there ONE place on our body that is sacred and can be called “blemish free”? And shouldn’t your ass should be that place?
Ouch! Being an acne sufferer as a teenager I had some interesting pimples in some interesting places, so I feel that pain Pammy!