Wrote this after my birthday last year. What a whingey brat I am! Enjoy the self-involved crapacity of it all!
I guess it was my fault really. Partly karma, partly too-high expectations. There were lots of exciting events coming up and I suppose I thought my birthday would be encompassed in all the goings on.
I had planned not to have a party, even though 30 is a milestone year (or is that millstone?) because two of my very good friends (my bee-maids in fact) were having their own celebrations very close to my wedding/birthday/hens night so I thought I would give it a miss till next year. I was already getting lots of attention I didn’t need much more – that’d just be greedy.
However, I didn’t actually expect my 30th birthday to go, not unremarked, but largely like any other old birthday….except less special. First of all there was a bot of a mix-up on the present front with Beloved. I found some earrings I like and he said I could have them. And then I had a moment of panic and said they were too expensive and if Beloved needed to tell me no and give stricter financial boundaries, that was fine. He had a think about it and said I could have them, but after the wedding and honeymoon (which I have shamefacedly contributed very minimally) I will have to buckle down and at least pretend to save money.
Closer to my birthday Beloved told me that he wasn’t getting the earrings, and I would have to nominate more present ideas. I wasn’t sure if he was throwing me off the scent because it is very unlike Beloved to renege on a deal. I obliged anyway, looking around for cheaper earrings and perhaps some sunglasses, perfume, a new wallet/purse – being something to hold money (notes and coins) credit cards, drivers licence etc
My birthday drew nigh and I hadn’t officially chosen another present but Beloved seemed to have it all under control. I had covered my bases at work, telling a few key people it was my birthday. I am not shy and a bit of birthday attention is a nice thing in my books. I had organised a birthday dinner with my family at a lovely Lebanese restaurant so I figured I was heading for a nice, special day.
The day dawned very early as I had boot camp. Beloved had assured me he would be up (if not at em) to present me with my first gift. When he couldn’t even bestow the obligatory ‘I love you, bye’ on me, let alone ‘Happy birthday and here’s your present’ cos he was so sleepy I was quite upset. But off I went to boot camp, and at the end of the work out there was Beloved at the front of the gym, not a little shamefaced, bearing a gift of perfume. So I was mollified.
At work, while I was greeted by many lovely email and Facebook messages wishing me a lovely day, the same couldn’t be said of my esteemed colleagues, who even when they did find out, (due to Resident Eccentric Teacher peering over my shoulder when I received a large and colourful happy birthday email from my sis) didn’t even go to the $2 Shop for a card with kittens on it. Although RET did tell his whole class of year 9s that it was my birthday and I had also had my hens night, complete with policeman stripper, which was totally fabricated.
When it is my Beloved’s birthday I always give him a gift (albeit cheaper than the ones he gives me) I will send him a loving sms and email and give him a call at work. If it is school holidays I will meet him for lunch and often cook him his favourite dinner and put sparklers in a Vienetta (which was only done once cos it made the ice-cream black) But nope. No call, sms or email. No flowers. Nothing. And my mother. All she could manage was a ‘Happy birthday dear daughter’ sms which to my trained eye was redolent with sarcasm. (She copped a serve from me cos she made up a weak excuse for not coming to my birthday dinner. Funny how she hasn’t come to any family birthday since November last year but she is a whole other story which I probably won’t tell)
After school I was feeling a bit down so I didn’t do the food shopping. I was supposed to but I didn’t want to further normalise the day by trawling the aisles of Coles. When I got home I had a nap. When Beloved got in he presented me with my nicely boxed (but unwrapped) gift. He gave me a lovely and obviously expensive Gucci wallet. AND a Gucci purse, which was sorta like a mini-handbag that I can’t fit much in, therefore can’t use all the time to show-off with. I asked why he had got it and Beloved said that the Gucci ladies had said it was a purse and I had wanted a purse. Ooookay. And then he clambered into bed for a nap too.
Dinner was nice but low-key. No alcohol as I was still recovering from my hens night. The night drew to a close and I felt flat. But what did I expect? Fireworks? Didn’t I get enough attention at my awesome hens night – which included a birthday cake, candles, costumes, champagne, drinks, dares, gifts and a limousine ride? What a brat – good friends, a present buying fiancé and hello – GUCCI!
I don’t fully place the responsibility of my day on my Beloved and even if I did, it was probably karma. If I do recall last year – after his birthday meal, I ran off for my last lesson of the year for hip hop. Way to make him feel loved! I guess it was the ‘thought’ that was missing. Was he wondering if I was having a nice day? Was there anything he could say or do that would make me feel special in the face of turning 30? Probably. I dunno what I expected – it was just…more.
And while I spoilt my own birthday (and quite a few days after it) with my feelings of low self worth, I knew it was me that was really making me feel this way. I am an adult with a logical mind, not a spoilt brat, even if I acted like it. And that logical mind worked out that if I have a Gucci wallet and purse (which I didn’t really think is different) that means I still need a Gucci hand-bag! 
…..Got the Gucci hand-bag in London, cos I didn’t spend any of my spending money while on our honeymoon. My sister saw it and asked: ‘Is that your new make-up bag?’ Sigh.
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