Monthly Archive for October, 2009

On Being the Ugly Honker

Published on October 29, 2009 in Cranky/Dopey Bitch and Queen Me. 3 Comments

I wrote this a while ago. I was feeling a bit hurt, miffed and high-schoolish. I can admit that.

I have got a friend who I am pretty sure doesn’t like me anymore. It is a vibe I get. I am not sure how long she has been off me but I would say it has been about a year. I don’t even know why she doesn’t like me. But considering my track record I could probably make a whole bunch of fairly accurate assumptions. So, my issue is this. I have this friend who doesn’t like me. But still hangs out with me. Not me individually, but me and (oh god, I can’t believe I am going to say it, I am so immature) MY friends. I am all for preserving one’s self interests, but it just seems fake. Someone brings you into a group, you end up not liking that person but you persist with the gang regardless. It does make sense though; you don’t want to cut off your nose to spite your face, and all the other gals in the group like her, and why not? She is fun and has a great sense of humour. I am not looking for her to be ‘kicked out’ or anything high-school like that. I just want to whine. I know, I know. I am being pathetic. It is just that I feel 14 again, and I don’t like being the nose.

Since I wrote the above a lot of shit has gone down, and sufficed to say, we aren’t friends. It is sad but I think it frees us both up to use our emotional energy on people we are meant to be with. But wouldn’t it be nice if you could come to that conclusion over a cup of tea and cucumber sandwich rather than harsh words and the flinging of poop in each other’s general direction?

Out of my Hands

Published on October 26, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising and Queen Me. 2 Comments

JUST when I decide to defriend someone on facebook they go and deactivate their account. Though my theory is they are just saying that to put me off the scent and are just defriending ME. Either way it needed to happen. Neither of us needs the negativity in our lives. Time to move on.

I know I said I wouldn’t write bout people I know here in a less-than-pleasant light but meh, I like to live on the edge sometimes.

I Must Spend WAY Too Much Time on the Toilet

Published on October 25, 2009 in Beloved, Books n Stuff and Fighting the Fat. 4 Comments

Check out my Bathroom Companions tab for more mini reviews. But while I am here what can I chat to you about? Beloved has been away all weekend AGAIN. Last weekend was okay, this one was harder. But I did have a great catch up with some gal pals on Friday night and today I attempted ‘Jacob’s Ladder’ and the ‘Kokoda Track’ at Kings Park. And when I say attempted I mean I nearly died just doing it once.

New Blogger on the Block

Published on October 23, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising. 1 Comment

I would like you all to meet The Mother Formerly Know As, or as I like to call her – MoFoKA. Love her, love her work. Give it a gander, you won’t be disappointed.

That is all.

Now off you go, click on that link and and say ‘Hi’. Show her how nice the internets can be.

All Things Farty

Published on October 19, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising. 4 Comments

Please welcome our first guest blogger….

Well, not technically – I asked this friend if I could use an email she sent me as a blog post. She had emailed me her story, knowing I love all things bum-trumpety.

I was doing the dishes in the kitchen, with the kitchen door open and there’s a guy around replacing our gutters, working just outside the kitchen door. Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming urge to cough. Because I was doing the dishes, and didn’t want to cough all over the sink and share my delightful germs, I turned my head to cough into my sleeve. Alas, my sleeve was short and I ended up coughing into my arm, making a remarkable flatus-related sound, for the gutter-guy’s hearing pleasure. Oh. My. Word. I’m scared to talk to him now/see if he wants a drink or whatever, coz I know he would have heard it!!

Ah, what a classic. I was stifling snorts after reading this, wondering how HARD exactly did she press her mouth to her arm to cough? Love it! Thank you ‘anonymous’ guest blogger. Feel free to out yourself in the comments!

What I’m Doing Riiiight Now

Published on October 16, 2009 in Beloved, Can't be bothered categorising, Fur Baby, Lazy Bitch and Pop Culture. 2 Comments

Listening to Glee songs. How much do I love that show? LOTS. Nearly as much as Ugly Betty and True Blood. Heroes has fallen out of favour a bit cos they put it on at stupid times
Squinting at the TV while searching for shows to download on Apple TV. I need glasses cos our TV is stupid huge. Blind bitch.
Needing to go to the loo. Had Hungry Jacks for dinner. Gets things moving it does!
Enjoying the gorgeous Spring weather – FINALLY! 32 degrees today but without the ‘built up’ heat you get if it is that hot in the middle of summer.
Cursing the Spring weather that brought out the flying ants and made walkies with Theo rather annoying.
Giggling at how I watered the garden this afternoon and ‘accidentally’ hosed the kids next door who were jumping on their trampoline and screaming out Pink songs.
Going stag this weekend as husband is doing army stuff in Sydney. At least it means Krispy Kremes on Sunday night. Can you believe we don’t have them in Perth. BACK. WARD.

And Now a Letter, Just for You!

Published on October 14, 2009 in Beloved, Books n Stuff, Fighting the Fat, Lazy Bitch, Queen Me and Teaching. 2 Comments

G’day All, (hah! By ‘all’ do I mean the dozen people who read this?)

Well, re: the letter to myself . I totally stopped being a lazy pants bitch and did some writing on the school holidays. I did not take ONE bit of school stuff home and I have to tell you, it was of the most liberating holidays I have had. I would get up in the morning, give the place a bit of a tidy, go to the gym, put a slow cooker meal on, write till Beloved got home and here is the biggest surprise – guess how many naps I had? (hols were 14 days) 2. TWO! Can you believe it?

I wrote the 50 pages I told myself I would but I have plenty to go on with, so I might not even wait to the next hols to get into a bit more. I have told myself that I want the novel finished by the end of the Xmas hols. I think I can do that. I know I have a lot of editing to do – I reckon I am ‘rushing’ it a bit cos I want to ‘know’ how it ends

Amongst other, I read Markedby PC and Kristin Cast on the break and boy, did it annoy the living crap out of me. SO tryhard, even though the general idea was good. Now I realise though that I definitely have some areas myself that I have to work on - for example, try not to use too much ‘current’ language that dates easily and will sound gay in a few years (see what I did there?)

Well, I must say I some pleased that I got back into it – I feel so much lighter and fulfilled now that I am getting my dreams under way.

Much love,

GYL xo

I Love Person X, But Holy Snapping Duckshit Batman!

Published on October 7, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising, Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Lazy Bitch and Queen Me. 5 Comments

If I were taking a trip and I required this assistance of others, this is how I would do it:

Check my flight details (easy stuff – day, time etc)
2 weeks or so in advance ask someone if they could take me to the airport, making sure they too had the flight info.
When the person came to pick me up, I would be patiently waiting for them with my luggage by the door. I might be having a cup of tea or reading a magazine.
At the airport I wouldn’t have to worry about my baggage because I know what I can and can’t take on an aircraft.

Obviously not everyone thinks the way I do and this is what happened when I picked up Person X to take them to the airport:

Person X did not know the day of their flight. As of last Friday they thought it was Sunday week. Time of flight was also a bit hazy. Even though they found out the correct day in time, that didn’t leave them much of the sufficiently anal-retentive buffer for the ‘can you take me to the air-port please’ requirements.
At the appointed pick up time Person X did not answer the front door. I called out a few times but with no reply. The front door was unlocked so I went in. Bags did not seem to be fully packed and there was washing going in the machine. I discovered Person X was in the shower.
My arrival time of 1:15pm would give Person X enough time to get the airport, check in etc. We didn’t leave till 1:40 and when we did, my car was loaded with a huge basket of rancid, damp washing: ‘I left them in to soak but the machine broke down and they need to be washed again. Probably twice. Can you take them home and do them?’
Get to the airport. I tell Person X there are certain things they cannot take on board. (I also did this before leaving home) When they got out of the car they asked ‘So shall I leave my razor?’ We are IN LINE and they say ‘So I can’t take my lighters? And I have nail scissors too. Can I take them?’

On the way home the traffic was terrible and my car was totally whiffy due to the mouldy washing. I felt like chucking this type of tantrum. Minus the remote.

The Gym Conspiracy

Published on October 5, 2009 in Cranky/Dopey Bitch and Fighting the Fat. 0 Comments

My theory is this. The mirrors in the change-room make you look fat. You then feel all despondent and ‘better get my arse into gear’. When you are in the gym the mirrors are more flattering, so you feel all ‘hey, looking good there sport/how you doin’? ‘ and the like. When you leave and spy yourself in the change-room mirror yet again you are forced to think ‘woah! better get back here pronto!’ If I wasn’t already paying a monthly membership fee, I would think it was some trap designed to lure body conscious gym goers back into the place.

If I spent the amount of time that I spent thinking of that theory exercising, well – that coulda been 200 calories right there!

A Review: Markus Zusak – When Dogs Cry

Published on October 4, 2009 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

By his brother’s account, Cameron Wolfe is a bit of a ‘lonely bastard’. He doesn’t have any friends, and he spends too much time standing alone, at night, in front of the house of a girl who rejected him. You would think this would make Cameron a creepy protagonist. Tortured, romantic, hormone-fuelled and intense – yes. Creepy – no.

Cameron lives at home with his mum (who he only refers to as Mrs Wolfe) his handsome brother Ruben, plumber father and sister Sarah. He lives in the shadow of his handsome, womanising brother Ruben and his other brother Steve – a success in his professional and football career. His life consists of school, working with dad on Saturdays, kicking the footy around and walking Miffy, the neighbours embarrassing-to-be-seen-with Pomeranian.

Cameron lives in a bleak, coarse suburban world, where to show affection is to call someone a bastard, to show emotion is at risk of being called a poofter. Cameron despairs at the rate Ruben goes through women, when all Cameron wants is someone to hold, to drown in. When Ruben brings home Octavia Cameron can’t believe Ruben landed someone as beautiful and gentle as her. When the relationship ends, Ruben hooks up with ‘the scrubber’ whose now ex boyfriend wants to kill him.

When Dogs Cry is a haunting, honest and lyrical story tale of a boy with a hunger, a need for acceptance, and who is sick of being the underdog. An unexpected love and a night of violence help others see Cameron as the man he is.

I really savoured this dark and poetic tale. It was wonderful to be a witness to Cameron’s inner-most thoughts, verging from the hilariously honest to the beautifully poetic. Zusak’s masterful writing had me wanting to cry and punch the air with my fist yelling: ‘YES!’ : Steve’s pride in Cameron’s goal and Cameron’s kiss, were both beautifully expressed. I wouldn’t say this tale is for everyone, being a deep and uncompromising exploration of Cameron’s inner self. But if you want to read something written by a masterful writer, then this is it.