Monthly Archive for May, 2009

My Missing Internet Limb Has Been Reattached

Published on May 25, 2009 in Beloved, Fighting the Fat, Lazy Bitch, Married Life, Pop Culture and Queen Me. 3 Comments

Status updates I wanted to put up but couldn’t because we had no net due to a lightning storm:

  • GYL doesn’t like the owner of the dance studio she goes to. She acts like she owns the place.
  • GYL’s husband thinks she is a muppet. She was trying to drive her dad’s automatic car with two feet.
  • GYL can’t believe her anal retentive self was aiding and abetting quiz-night criminality via sms.
  • GYL dreamed of names all night because she was trying to think of the names of the miners trapped at Beaconsfield mine.
  • GYL:  Brant Webb and Todd Russell.
  • GYL wonders if calories count when it is the father-in-law’s birthday? She DID buy low calorie white wine. However, she doesn’t think the Chinese food or desert was low-calorie.
  • GYL wonders why she pretends to think she is going to get up for a Saturday morning gym class.
  • GYL’s husband is a little jealous she is getting hot for NKOTB and not him. Big deal – he will reap the benefits, regardless.
  • GYL gets a bit antsy when she hasn’t heard from her mates in ‘real life’ for a while.
  • GYL likes to go to sleep thinking what she would do if she won the lottery.
  • GYL is looking forward to taking her husband for a surprise weekend away next weekend for their 10 -years-together anniversary.  
  • GYL feels sort of liberated, not checking Facebook every half an hour.

Random Thoughts, Ideas, Musings, Odd Coincidences and a Rant

Published on May 21, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising, Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Pop Culture, Queen Me and Uncategorized. 8 Comments

1) Found out my tragic ex-personal trainer IS gay. I knew it! Glad to know my gaydar wasn’t off. I also know who her partner is. Quite funny actually – I came home from the gym one day, telling Beloved that I think some girl was scoping me out in the change-rooms. I had met her briefly cos my trainer knew her/worked with her. One day while I was doing my make-up she sat up on the bench and had a chat to me. Now I realise she was probably just trying to see if I was any threat to her. (Okay – she was probably just being friendly but let my ego have a bit of pandering) Nope – no threat alert, especially when you see this training-for-the-London-Marathon girl’s abs.

2) Every time I do a Spin class I think that we could be harnessing all the energy created by the bikes. Has any gym ever done this?

3) Part of an email conversation with Stinky that you wouldn’t want to start in the middle of: ‘I am just happy my face wasn’t on the pillow when he lowered his butthole onto it’ Please comment if you would like the context. Queen GYL would like 10 comments from 10 different people at least in order to spill. I know you are out there people!

4) I wrote a post that mentioned NKOTB breaking up the same year that I got my first proper boyfriend. Is it some freaky cosmic coincidence that the night they are performing in Perth is the date that my ex and I got together 15 years ago?

5) My sister and I have been excitedly planning our NKOTB Girly Weekend Extravaganza. She is flying down from Karratha on the Friday night and on the Saturday we are booking into an apartment hotel where we will have some champagne and nibblies, go out to dinner and then head to the concert to scream ourselves hoarse from our freaking awesome seats in the seating block closest to the stage.  We haven’t decided what to wear yet. Lil Sis and Stinky both suggested going retro, complete with NKOTB  t-shirts. I will think about it. My naffness does have its limits. I know  – you wouldn’t think it, considering.

6) Sorry to keep babbling about NKOTB but I have also incorporated them into my latest fitness spurt. It is named ‘Hot for New Kids on the Block.’ It is my mantra every time I look at the lolly jar at work. Well – it is my mantra basically I look at ANY food.  Yes  – they are straws and I am clutching at them.

7)  Today the silliest of bitches parked diagonally next to me so I couldn’t get out of my parking space. I was so angry. After 10 minutes of me stupidly trying to get out of the spot, she came out of the shop. ‘Excuse me’ says GYL through her open window. The lady doesn’t hear her. Or is ignoring her. ‘Excuse me’ says GYL, a little louder. The lady stops putting her shopping in the boot and looks enquiringly at GYL. ‘It just took me 10 minutes to get out of that parking spot because of the way you were parked.’

‘Sorry’ says the foreign Volvo driver.

‘I was worried I was going to scratch your car.’ I added.

‘You scratched my car?!’ she asked

‘No – I was worried I was going to’

‘Sorry’ she says again, looking more than a bit worried.

It was the politest of interactions yet afterwards I felt very flustered. I am a cranky bitch on paper and I can handle a stoush with family or feral kids, but with strangers is another matter entirely.

Two Titles: ‘Who Wants to be Beamed Up Scotty?’ and ‘I Know How the Prequel Series Will End!’

Published on May 19, 2009 in Beloved, Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Nostalgia and Pop Culture. 1 Comment

The Enterprise is back and it is full of HOTNESS!  I went to see Star Trek on the weekend, and geez it was bloody awesome. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, flimsy plot and all.

I was introduced to Star Trek as a child watching The Original Series every day after school. I was then reacquainted with now what is a franchise at 19 by an ex. We broke up but my love for Star Trek endured.

Which series do I adore more? Well – it is sort of like me trying to pick my favourite New Kid on the Block. I love them all equally for their talents, however if I had to choose I would have to go Jordan Knight/Voyager.  I own all of Voyager on DVD, am nearly finished my DS9 collection and I guess I will start next on The Next Generation. 

I have never dressed up as a Klingon but I consider myself a fan in the mildest sense.  I watch it, I love it and it is what I want the future to be like. Hell – I reckon it IS what the future is going to be like.

But back to the movie. I am anal retentive. When I was little, my dad used to read me and my sister bedtime stories. He would deviate from the story-line, declaring that Thumbelina got stung on the bottom by a bumble-bee rather than receiving a kiss from the prince. This would enrage me and I would beat my dad around the head with my tiny 5 year old fists while my sister wet herself laughing.

You can imagine my consternation while watching this movie. I was enjoying it oh so much but obvious plot anomalies were making me uneasy. I purposely avoided media on the movie, wanting to discover it all for myself.  So all the while I was thinking ‘Ok….so when  is this all going to match up and get us on the right time-line?’ AND THEY DIDN’T.

I am all for a good time-travel story. I loved the Voyagerepisode where we followed the goings on of a ship we believed to be the ‘real’ Voyager but it was in fact another version in another time-line. Then on the real Voyager a main character DIES. But of course during the episode both ships realise the existence of each other and there is some terrible disaster and the other Voyager version of the dead character jumps ship before the non-real Voyager blows up. Hmm, I really could have explained that better but I am writing this while supervising a Private Study class sans IMDB.

Anyhoodle.  After much whinging on the way home to Husband how the movie wasn’t ‘real’ (with foot-stamping) and checking out IMDB I came to embrace the ‘reboot’ idea. Although the purist in me was still irked. I wanted more exciting adventures with Kirk and Spock (reow) even at the cost of my OCD-ness of needing everything to wrap up nicely and match.

Then last night as I was drifting off to sleep, I had it! Oh my god! I KNEW how the ‘prequel’ series of films is going to end! SPOILERS AHOY if you haven’t seen the movie.

Right. Uhura and Spock are all in love and shit, married possibly (this would take a couple of movies though) and then in the final movie there is the obligatory time-travel story and somehow Spock has to choose between his time-line and life with Uhura OR revert to the ‘original’ where Vulcan still exists and his mother is still alive. Or perhaps it won’t be a decision that HE personally has to make but there will be lots of bittersweet tears, hand-wringing, lingering gazes and hopes that true love will find a way. Maybe even his best buddy Kirk does the ‘dirty’ on him and makes the choice. If it follows the normal time-line stuff, when the time-line reverts, Spock and Uhura will be none the wiser, while the audience is left sobbing into their popcorn. And of course the film will end with ‘real’ Uhura glancing at Spock across the bridge and him regarding her with a tilt of his head and a small smile, having a brief feeling of emotion, but not knowing why.

*sigh*

So. What do you think?

The Right Stuff

Published on May 15, 2009 in Nostalgia and Pop Culture. 3 Comments

Once upon a time a bunch of crazed fans got one of the world’s biggest boy bands to do a concert in their lil backwater city. Looking back on it, I don’t think the boy band was particularly impressed but the ruckus was loud enough and they came. I remember the concert as if it was yesterday.

I went to it with my friend Weenie, but she was sitting with her sister and friends, while I met up with another friend and her sister. I spent the whole time singing, smiling my lil face off and giving the occasional ear -splitting squeal. To 13 year old GYL it was just magical, and the memory is still shiny and cherished.

And baby – the memories are coming back! New Kids on the Block are coming to Perth. Now, when I heard they were coming to Australia, I was in raptures, quickly calculating how I would spend my yet-to-arrive $900 stimulus package on a trip to Melbourne to see them. But then I found out that the New Kids are older and wiser and are making their first stop in Australia in Perth.

I can scarcely believe it. 18 bloody years later and we will finally be reunited. Lil sis and I have already been on the phone for an hour tonight, working out that we will stay in a nice hotel the night of the concert, get all dressed up etc. The only thing that brings us down is a) what if we can’t get a ticket? or b) what if they don’t sell enough tickets and they cancel? It is a roller-coaster of emotions, I tell you.

You know, that first concert, I didn’t cry. You always see footage of chicks at Michael Jackson and Beatles gigs bawling. This time, I can’t guarantee there won’t be a little bit of a tear. First time round I was so innocent. This time, not so much. But the memory of that pure, girly love of five clean-cut young men mixed with real life, love, heart-ache, dreams lost and found might be too much nostalgia for this ex Mrs McWahlwoodknight to bear.

ps: To indulge in my other NKOTB related posts have a gander here and here.

 

The Stuff I Go Through When I Attempt to Have a Day Off.

Published on May 6, 2009 in Beloved, Lazy Bitch and Teaching. 4 Comments

Dear Head of Learning Area and Relief Coordinator,

Well, at 1:30am I received a poke in the side from Beloved, telling me I would have to take the day off work to take him to the doctor in the morning because he had a splitting migraine. As you know he has been an absolute delight to live with this past week.  When the poor love isn’t coughing his guts up he is walking around with his eyes glued shut – to which our broken towel rail is a testament to.

I was instantly awake because, being a teacher, you can’t just have a leisurely day off work. Straight away my brain was working out what classes I had and what they could do while I was away.  You don’t want to make it too complicated because while the teacher is away the brats will play. My lessons outlines are as follows:

Period Year Instructions
2 10 The Year 10s are a weird bunch.  A strange mix of the mature and not so mature. I like them all but there are some who are still naughty and I have at least 4 kids who literally do NOTHING. And nothing works. Not phone calls home, not staying in at lunch. Hence why I have mentioned before I would love a cattle-prod. My latest thing is telling them they deserve to be more than trolley-boys. It is okay to do as a casual job if you are 15 but not at 21.‘Who has an i-pod?’ nearly all hands go up ‘What about sunglasses?’ more hands ‘what about a hat and a good pair of sneakers?’ now they are looking at me strangely but they play along. ‘Well – if you have those things you are well set to collect trolleys in the Coles car-park.

‘Miss  – stop insulting trolley boys’ they cry.

These guys are analysing film techniques used in the beginning of V for Vendetta, Napoleon Dynamite and William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and writing extended paragraph answers on 4 set questions.

4 8 These kids are awesome. They are smart and fun and a little bit gabby. They seem to have responded to me really well. But you never know when kids are gonna turn. One moment they are cute and fluffy and the next minute you wonder if you have accidentally wet them or fed them after midnight.Today they are going to start watching Mulan. I haven’t yet down all the background stuff but it’ll have to do for now. LOVE that movie.
5 11/12 This is a private study lesson of which I am the grand poobah of babysitters.

I decided I would  email you all this very early this morning and I was drifting off to sleep when Beloved poked me again.  ‘We have to go to the hospital’.  I had a quick shower while he knelt by the side of the bed shaking with the doona over his head.

The trip to the hospital was very quick at 3am and there was only one other patient. Probably cos it was a private hospital but Beloved refuses to go anywhere else.  After he was assessed by the triage nurse he sat with his sunglasses on, cradling our yellow mop bucket, shaking and nearly falling out of his seat. It wasn’t long before he was in a bed hooked up to a drip. I suppose you might think ‘suck it up Princes, people get migraines all the time and don’t make a trip to the emergency room’. But when you have been sick for a week with a viral infection, bronchitis and conjunctivitis you don’t really want to dismiss a blinding, vomit-inducing, bright-light-avoiding headache.

Our doctor came and saw Beloved in a timely fashion. He was a feathery-stroker if I ever met one. (Phrase from a Marian Keyes book I just read. She is my new fave. One of the nurses asked what I was reading. I said a chick book. He said ‘is that like a chick flick?’ and I said yes. He then said ‘So it is a ‘chook book?’ I must say I found that very amusing at 5am) Anyway – the doctor. He was of German descent although with a posh Aussie accent. He looked a like a very reserved Parker Lewis and spoke with a soft and patronising tone. I suspected he was some sort of man-bot. But I realised he is just one of those highly intelligent people who doesn’t know how to interact with lesser humans.

Since Beloved was improving with the drip and medication he was released. We were home by 7am and I considered coming going to work.

Stay Home

Go to School
  • I was very, very tired.
  • My Beloved would need me to nurse him.
  • When driving home I might have wobbled over the white lines a couple of times.
  • I might have accidentally put my car-keys in the bin.
  • I wouldn’t have to plan my lessons for someone else to struggle through.
  • I could be a conscientious employee.
  • The student’s learning could proceed uninterrupted.
  • I have a high propensity towards guilt.

 When it comes to work my favourite thought is – if I died tomorrow I could be replaced within an hour. However my family and friends would never be able to fill the gaping hole my absence would create. So home I stayed.  As aforementioned I have a guilty conscience so while I had emailed, Relief Coordinator using Beloved Blackberry and sent an sms at the hospital, when I got home I also emailed Head of Learning Area and left a phone message.

At 8:00am I finally got into bed. When I awoke at 12 I spent the day cleaning, bringing in washing, cooking and marking stories written by the year 8s, bless ‘em.

Now I am sure all of this is pointless as the day is done and dusted but my guilt causes me to babble, so I thought I would give you a bit of background so you don’t think I am a slack bitch, but then if I justify myself I feel like I doth protest too much and I JUST.CAN’T.WIN.

My brain hurts,

Grumpy Young Lady