Monthly Archive for March, 2009

Did You Know…….

Published on March 29, 2009 in Beloved, Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Fighting the Fat, Fur Baby and Married Life. 8 Comments

That if you go to the movies and have a 600ml coke, a small packet of crisps, a whole packet of Starburst Squirts, 3/4’s of a packet of Jaffas and then go to Han’s and have a glass of wine and a plate of Mee Goreng, it is likely that at 3am you will be sitting on the loo, holding the bathroom bin in front of you, wondering which end is gonna explode first and feeling like you are going to pass out?

That eating a three course meal, at the gorgeous restaurant you got engaged/had your wedding reception at, and washing it down with 3/4 of a bottle of rose Moet is also going to have a similar effect?

That I love, love, love The Script’s song Break Even? I think the lyrics perfectly encapsulate the feelings you have after getting your arse dumped.

That my Beloved and I are celebrating one whole year or marriage today? And no-one is dead. That has gotta be a good start, right?

That I make silly, unthinking comments that I regret later? This particular one could actually get me into a lot of trouble, if it was passed back to the person. And I would wear it, cos it was just unthinking and inappropriate. It was meant as a joke but when it could hurt people’s feelings and affect how other’s see them, it isn’t very funny is it? Sigh. I am SUCH a dick.

That my dog is really coming along with his Jedi mind powers? He managed to get a half-full pizza box and roll of paper towels off the kitchen bench using them.

I Still Can’t Get This Mangy Spray-Tan Off

Published on March 25, 2009 in Can't be bothered categorising, Lazy Bitch and Queen Me. 2 Comments

Hey All,

Just a lil love-note to let you know I am still alive and thinking of you. Things are very busy at the moment- I don’t get time to get cranky, let alone write a blog about it! Although I did see a man wearing a robe and carrying a staff walk across the road in front of me on the way home from work yesterday.

I am also having serious issues with something I am eating – it will be a process of elimination to figure out if it is the yoghurt or wholemeal bread. ( I KNOW it was the soy-milk but I have stopped that and I am still blaming the dog)

Perhaps someone out there would like to do the hard work for me and give me a topic to post about. I promise to give it a crack!

GYL xo

Continue reading ‘I Still Can’t Get This Mangy Spray-Tan Off’

Wedding Blues

Published on March 19, 2009 in Beloved, Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Fighting the Fat, Fur Baby, Pop Culture and Queen Me. 3 Comments

I didn’t expect to feel this way. I thought if it was going to happen it would be after my wedding – two years of planning, over in a flash.  Two years of day-dreams, imaginings and visions passed by in the reality of hours and minutes; smiles, hugs, kisses, champagne, sore feet and a headache. But I guess I had the honeymoon to look forward to. And then my own sister’s wedding.

Now that has been and gone, where to next?

Her wedding was lovely and she looked so beautiful. And I am not just saying that – you know what a bitch I am – if she didn’t, I would mention it. I had a great time; more than at my own wedding, just because there was less pressure and expectation. That is not to say I didn’t enjoy mine but the headache free memories and stunning photos are much more pleasant. 

At my sister’s nuptials we all ate and drank, chatted, laughed, and reminisced. Some of us cried – that’s you, Stinky ya soft touch! We listened to and gave speeches, danced and ate cake. And then drank some more and danced some more. And oh yeah, Ice Ice Baby was played……twice! (I won’t mention how many times the bride stacked it over the course of the day – at last count I heard it was three, however I only saw one. Which was when she entered the reception venue, went to sit at the bridal table onto a chair…..that wasn’t there. My poor baby sis. She is still cringing about it but damn it was funny after the initial ‘OMG!’)

And then on Monday at work it hit me. There is no more. No hens night to plan and party poop at, no dress to train like a maniac to look good in, no speech to agonize over, nothing. 

Yeah. I know, babies. Come on Bee, your ovaries aren’t getting any younger you know!

But rug-rats are not in our immediate (say, 9 months to start trying, the however-long-it-takes-to-try and the 9 months of baking time) future. So even though I know I have a nice full life, with wonderful friends, a lovely family, a gorgeous husband, lovable puppy, a stable job and a stocked fridge, things feel a bit bleak.

Bee, with her Cranky Pants Wedged Firmly up her Arse Crack

Published on March 12, 2009 in Cranky/Dopey Bitch, Fighting the Fat, Lazy Bitch and Queen Me. 3 Comments

‘Oh, my, god. What is WRONG with you?’ asked Good Bee.

‘I know! I know! I keep telling myself  -it is your sister’s hens night, loosen up have a great time, she’ll hopefully never have another one’ replied Bad Bee.

‘So why is there no loosening then, hmmmm?’

‘I dunno. I am too sober and my back hurts’ whinged Bad Bee.

‘And whose fault is that? Suck it up Princess’ sniped Good Bee somewhat uncharacteristically.

‘Yeah well, I have been on this mega-diet and the scant 4 drinks between 4pm and 2am have blown it. Plus I someone has to look after the hen’

‘Go on, just have a little dance’ urged Good Bee.

‘No, I can’t. Can’t you see I have my cranky, sour-puss bitch face on?’ pouted Bad Bee.

‘Oh, yes. I can see that, and so can all of your friends’

‘Sigh. I know. And I know they know it is what I am like, but still……’ Good Bee trailed off forlornly.

‘You shoulda gone home at 12. Better to be an invisible party-pooper than a stinky fart cloud following everyone around befouling their good vibes’ suggested Bad Bee.

‘Duly noted. And  the diet is off on the wedding day so it’ll be happy hour – well at least after the speeches – gotta be somewhat coherent for that.’

‘Indeed’ agreed Good Bee. ‘And n e hoo, after all the party-pooping have you actually lost any weight?’

‘Sure have!’ announced Bad Bee proudly ‘2.4 kilos…what is that – Just over 5 pounds? Not too bad over 2 weeks of torturous eating. My dress looks good and the tan will make me look even better. Hopefully the curse of the spray tan will not strike.’

‘Hopefully not.  Well, ciao for now – until your grumblebum, nanna arse needs another kicking.’

‘Yeah, catchya’  farewelled Bad Bee, with a softly muttered ‘bitch!’

‘I heard that!’

‘Whatever!’

PS: I have NO idea why a whole heap of comments have disappeared from this blog. The only other person who has access to it is…..no! He wouldn’t have, would he?!?! ;)

Don’t Give Up

Published on March 8, 2009 in Cranky/Dopey Bitch and Pop Culture. 1 Comment

I did this (nicked from The Vinyl Villager) while waiting for my besties to pick up some stuff to take  to my sister’s hen’s night venue.  They were running a little later than I imagined and while I am anal retentive at the most casual of times, this was NOT a time to saunter up to the door and say ‘Sorry we’re late – are you stressed?’ and think it is freakin’ hilarious. They are bloody lucky I love ‘em to death.

 Post on Hen’s Night to come.

 RULES:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 10 friends (make me #11 so I can see your results).
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
Damn Girl-Justin Timberlake

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Who the Hell Are You?-Madison Avenue

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Water Runs Dry-Boyz II Men - Huh?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Stayin’ Alive-N-Trance  – Appropriate. Feeling a little tense. Wanna have a great time tonight but also want it to be over/a success.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
You Don’t Treat Me  No Good No More-Sonia Dada – How much did I love this song when I was 15? Fantastic! Not quite sure how it relates to my life purpose though…..

WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Killer-Adamski feat. Seal

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Lovejunk – Diesel

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Kids With Guns-Gorillaz

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Where’s Your Head At? – Basement Jaxx

WHAT IS 2 + 2?
Comfort You – Eskimo Joe – Awesome Aussie band from Fremantle, Western Australia. Give em a listen. My personal fave is From the Sea.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Tambourine – Eve  - Great ass-shaking song!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Watchya Gonna Do About It?-NKOTB – Ah, I knew my beloved NKOTB would show up somewhere here!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lightning Crashes – Live

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Caught Up – Usher Hmm, quite suitable I thought.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Sweet Like Chocolate-Shanks and Bigfoot  - We actually danced to In the Still of the Night Boyz II Men.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Unbelievable-EMF  - Damn Straight they will!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dirty Cash Money Talks-The Adventures of Stevie V –  Ah…hmmm. Sort of indicates the shallowness of my nature.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Relax – Frankie Goes To Hollywood – The anal retentive Bee? Never!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
For the Love – Drew Sidora and Mario

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Here I Go – 2 Unlimited   – Yup. An hour late and counting cheeky biatches!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Where Are You Now?- Janet Jackson  - Still waiting!

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Don’t Give Up – Eagle Eye Cherry – How much do I love the Holes soundtrack? LOTS!

Bathroom Companions – Updated Again

Published on March 1, 2009 in Books n Stuff, Pop Culture and Queen Me. 0 Comments

Just in case you were curious.

I dunno – has anyone moseyed on over to that tab? It is my b’day soon and I am sure I will get some book vouchers. So please – regale me with your recommendations!