Go on, I dare you. Tell 13 year old me that I will, when I am 34, get to meet New Kids on the Block. (But maybe don’t mention that I am not a famous writer, nor do I have children. But I do have an awesome husband. ‘What? He’s BALD?’ Hmmm, go figure.)
So 34 year old Grumpy met NKOTB, albeit briefly. I really didn’t think it would be this hard. I am a grown woman. An intelligent one at that. But the plain, I dunno….anxiety I have felt for the last couple of weeks has made this one of the most confusing times in my adult life. I have tried to express it in tweets, on facebook, to my friends, to my Beloved, to my long suffering diary but I am not sure I can still explain what I feel and why I feel it. Maybe you can help?
When I saw NKOTB in 1992 I was already obsessed and became more so after the concert. But I was allowed to. I was young. Nothing else much to worry about or moon over. Fast-forward to 2012 and the gig in Melbourne and BAM! a present and past me were slammed together in some weird time paradox. 14-year old emotions in a 34 year old body. But surely I am a little more enlightened and mature now? Apparently not. Do you know how hard it is to be in love with 5 pop-stars AND your lovely Husband? Bloody tiring. And confusing. And my goodness, do I feel sorry (jealous, maybe) for all those One Directioners out there. They have YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. We had Smash Hits magazine. Obsession magnified 100 fold for them, I imagine.
I can’t even accurately describe the feeling of ‘unsettledness’ I felt. While at the concert is was just pure excitement and joy. But after….it was like some sort of PTSD. I kept replaying the Perth Meet and Greet, wishing I could pause it, go back. Did I even say ‘hi’ to Danny properly? Did I say thanks to them for the opportunity to meet them? Even though it was all about them that day – it was actually all about me and my feelings and the images I had created of them.
I guess I am more realistic about ‘their’ lives now. When I was 14, they were ‘grown’ and being an adult was a fantasy to me. I could paint all these pictures of my life, of their lives. But now, besides the millions of dollars, screaming fans, extensive travel, children and divorces, I have lived their life – an adult life. And I will never be a part of it.
Perhaps that is it. Seeing NKOTB again was all about growing up, getting older. Thinking about the things I have and don’t have.
After 19 days of not feeling myself, I finally feel okay. But even through all of it, I would encourage any teen to foster a pop-star love. The excitement, the joy, the pure squee-ness of the experience, plus the people you meet – it is a once in a life-time thing.